Anyone ever feel like a failure? Be honest. Maybe not a total failure in life but a failure in something you tried to do. Or maybe you committed to a goal but you didn’t reach it. Perhaps you tried to create a new habit but instead of creating the habit something else needed your attention and you abandoned the new habit. Can you relate?
This is how I was feeling. I had trouble even creating goals in the first place. For example, it has been over a year since I wrote a newsletter and even longer since I blogged. I haven’t been sitting around twiddling my thumbs but I was feeling a little irresponsible for sure. I’ve fallen short in planning, moving my business forward, and executing what I committed to, just to name a few.
When we feel like a failure our thoughts tend to start reinforcing that belief. I would get someone else’s newletter and think, “See, they’re doing it. You are not cutting it. What’s wrong with you?” I’d have a new person sign up for my newsletter and beat myself up that I had nothing to offer them. No one had heard from me in a long, long time. Even my FaceBook posts had gone “radio silent.” Who’s going to hire a business that isn’t communicating?
Getting Back On The Horse
I think it’s ok to be in these places sometimes. It’s ok not to do life perfectly. To not run a business perfectly. When did perfection become the goal anyway? What good does it do to beat ourselves up over our shortcomings or if we’ve fallen in a hole temporarily? Piling shame on top of feeling like a failure is not helpful.
We have a saying in the organizing world: Done is better than perfect. Perfect can keep us stuck. I see it all the time. It holds our head down when we try to accomplish something but think it’s not good enough.
I have really been focused on my thought life lately. I’ve been breaking up with rejection, over-responsibility, independence, and grief, to name a few. They’re not easy things to break up with. Some I didn’t even know I had such a strong relationship with. I can’t say I have everything together or figured out, but I know that I’m on the right road. I am putting one foot in front of the other and making progress. I’m moving forward. I’m not yet in the vision of where I want to be in my business this year but I can still take one small step, even if it’s not clear that the step is the PERFECT NEXT STEP. It won’t be a waste of time because I’m moving forward.
Life is not about success. It’s not a destination. It’s not about accomplishments. It’s not about doing everything on your to-do list. Ouch. That hurts a little to say. Life is a journey. It’s about being, not doing. It’s about showing up. Sometimes that means resting, sometimes waiting, sometimes we move laterally and not forward. That’s ok.
Can you relate?
Most everyone’s households and habits have changed in the last 12 months. Maybe you are feeling stressed about your space. Have you been feeling overwhelmed by all the stuff in your bedroom, the kitchen, that junk drawer, or the basement? Do you feel stuck? Maybe you are having trouble managing your time, all the meetings and items you’re “supposed” to do but experiencing distraction.
To get out of my failure mindset I’m doing ONE key thing differently. Now keep in mind I didn’t have the capacity to do a lot differently, just a little. I was already feeling like I was failing on many fronts. But I can start off by changing the way I think and talk. This alone is very POWERFUL.
Here’s what I’m doing:
- I’m congratulating myself on good decisions. I’m self-employed so not many kudos from the boss, ya know?!
- I am starting to agree with the good things about myself not the bad.
- I am focusing on recognizing my negative thinking and choosing to not agree with it.
- I am speaking positively over myself, my business, and my circumstances.
For example. I might start thinking (almost unconsciously) you are not getting anything done today. When I notice this, I say, outloud, “I am getting things done.” I keep it simple and not fancy.
If I put on pants and they are tight and I might think, you are getting fat. So I’ll replace it with the opposite. I might say (outloud), “I love that you chose that salad on Tuesday. That was so good for your health!”
Make sense?
You Can Do IT
I’m not going to tell you here’s ‘5 things to do differently to get out of this rut’. I’m just going to say, do ONE THING. Just tune into your negative self-speak and start speaking the opposite.
Start speaking positively over your situation. When you catch yourself thinking or speaking negatively over your situation, say (outloud, if possible) “Hold up!” or whatever expletive you want to exclaim. Then state something positive. Don’t worry if the positive statement isn’t true now. Did you catch this? It’s important so I’ll say it agin. Don’t worry if the positive statement isn’t true NOW. You’re creating it’s truth by saying it. Weird I know but that’s how it works.
But, Still…
One more thing, if something isn’t working, maybe it’s time to make a change. We need to remember we have choices. My wise clients have realized this in their own lives and reached out to me to help.
I’m taking their lead and doing that as well. I need to make a change with my newsletter. I’m discontinuing it. I will continue to blog and I will transfer your sign-up for the newsletter to the blog post alert. I believe I will blog (more) regularly with this change. And if I don’t, I will make another choice. Powerful thinking!
So back to how I started. Am I failing? I’m going to reframe. I’m learning and growing every day. I’m right where I need to be. Guess what? I’m not doing this perfectly, this newsletter wasn’t perfect, but it’s done. Done is better than perfect. I am showing up and I am seeing positive results. I feel better. So will you. Thanks for reading. 🙂
